Bar or Bat Mitzvah in Italy: How It Works

By Jewish law, a boy becomes bar mitzvah at 13 and a girl becomes bat mitzvah at 12, by the Jewish calendar.

The first question is not where, but which kind of community. Italy has two kinds.

The official Jewish communities. There are 21 of them, joined in the Union of Italian Jewish Communities (UCEI). They follow Orthodox practice. For them, a child is Jewish if the mother is Jewish, or if the child converted with Orthodox rabbis. They will ask you to show this, and each community decides which documents it accepts.

The progressive congregations. There are seven, in Rome, Milan, Florence, Bologna, Turin and Bergamo-Brescia. They belong to the World Union for Progressive Judaism, not to UCEI, and they treat men and women as equals.

If your family belongs to a Reform or Conservative synagogue at home, ask this question first. It decides almost everything else.

In Italy, the community wants to know that the child is ready. In Rome, for example, both boys and girls take an exam with the Chief Rabbi, or with a rabbi he names, before the ceremony. The community asks families to contact its rabbinical office well in advance.

Your child will prepare at home, with your rabbi or teacher. Two things to check early:

• The Torah portion. It depends on the date. Choose the date first, then start preparing.
• The melody. Italian synagogues follow different rites: Italian, Spanish and German, each with its own melodies. Ask the community which one it uses, so your child prepares with the right one.

At a bar mitzvah, the boy is called to the Torah for the first time. On Shabbat, he often reads the last section of the Torah portion and the haftarah, the reading from the Prophets. From that day, he wears tefillin on weekday mornings and counts in the minyan.

At a bat mitzvah in an Orthodox community, the girl does not read from the Torah during the service. She often gives a short talk about the weekly Torah portion, and the family celebrates around it. Girls prepare seriously too: in Rome, they also take an exam before the ceremony.

In a progressive congregation, girls and boys are called to the Torah in the same way.

Shabbat or a weekday? The Torah is read on Monday and Thursday mornings, on Shabbat, and on Rosh Chodesh and holidays.

• On a Monday or Thursday, the ceremony is shorter, the boy puts on tefillin, and there is no haftarah. Photos are usually possible, but ask first. Travel on the same day is easy.
• On Shabbat, the service is fuller. In an Orthodox synagogue there are no photos and no phones, and observant guests walk to the synagogue. Plan the hotel within walking distance.

In a big city such as Rome, Milan, Florence or Venice, there is a rabbi, a minyan and a regular service. This is the simplest choice.

In a small town, the historic synagogue may open only for special days. Sometimes there is no local rabbi and no minyan, so they have to come from a larger community. It can be done. In Biella, in Piedmont, an American boy read from a Torah scroll that the community dates to the 1200s. In Mantua, one of the smallest communities in Italy, the chief rabbi of Padua came to stand with a local boy at the bimah.

For families with Italian roots, the most meaningful place is often the synagogue where the great-grandparents prayed, if it still exists and the community agrees. To find it, you need the research first: which town, which synagogue, which years. Our guides to Jewish Rome, Venice, Florence, Mantua and the small communities of Piedmont show what survives in each place.

Start about a year ahead. You need time to agree on a date with the community, prepare the documents and the Torah portion, and plan the trip.

Dates to avoid for the celebration. Jewish tradition limits parties in some periods of the year. In Rome, for example, the community does not allow the celebration:

• from the eve of Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur;
• from the end of Passover to Lag BaOmer;
• in the Three Weeks, from the 17th of Tammuz to the 9th of Av.

The Three Weeks fall somewhere between late June and mid-August, often right in the middle of the American summer holidays. Check the Jewish calendar before you choose the date.

For seasons, heat and holidays, see when to plan a Jewish heritage trip to Italy.

Kosher food. In Rome, kosher restaurants and caterers are close to the synagogue. In other cities and small towns, the meal must be arranged in advance, under rabbinic supervision if that matters to your family.

Guests. A bar or bat mitzvah brings more people than a family trip: grandparents, cousins, friends. Book rooms near the synagogue, especially for a Shabbat ceremony.

Photos. Plan the family photos for a weekday, or for the day before or after Shabbat.

A gift to the community. It is customary to make a donation to the community that hosts you. For a small community, it helps keep the synagogue open.

We arrange bar and bat mitzvahs as part of Il Viaggio, our private family journey.

The research comes first. We find where your family lived and prayed. Then we look with you for the right place for the ceremony: when possible, a synagogue in your family's own city.

Then we plan the ceremony and the trip together. We contact the community, help with the request and the documents, and agree on the date. We plan the days around it: the visit to the places where your family lived, Shabbat, the meal, and the time for the family to be together.

The day is photographed, and afterwards you receive a bound volume with your family's documents and the photos from the trip.

Il Viaggio is built for one family of up to four people. A bar or bat mitzvah usually brings more guests, so for these trips we plan everything individually.

We will also tell you honestly what is not possible. If your family's path and the community's rules do not meet, it is better to know this in the first conversation than a month before the date.

Can my daughter read from the Torah in Italy? In the official, Orthodox communities, no. She can give a talk on the Torah portion. In the progressive congregations, yes.

Our family is Reform, and only the father is Jewish. Can our son have a bar mitzvah in Italy? Not in an Orthodox community, unless he converted with Orthodox rabbis. Progressive congregations have their own rules. Ask before you plan anything else.

Can our rabbi from home lead the ceremony? It depends on the community. Ask before you invite anyone.

Will the ceremony be in English? The service is in Hebrew. Your child's speech, and any words from the family, can be in English.

How far ahead should we start? About a year. The community needs time, and so does your child.

Do we need family research first? Not for a ceremony in a big city. Yes, if you want it in your family's own town or synagogue. Start with a preliminary archival assessment.